Empty Nest Myth

 

Through my years of parenting, I heard stories of the Empty Nest Syndrome and wondered how I would feel when my children no longer needed my attention.

But Martin and I have not had that experience. Our children grew up, bought homes within driving distance, and continue to be a part of our daily lives.

When I first began to question the empty nest theory, I went to the library to do research. Some books offered communal living advice, but we were not looking for roommates. Others suggested distancing as much as possible, but we still wanted active relationships with our offspring and their offspring and their offsprings’ offspring.

So, Martin and I declared the Empty Nest Syndrome a myth and have created new roles for this stage of parenting.

 

AUTO MAINTENANCE

Martin often said that once he retired, he would be the vehicle-guy.  Your vehicle inspection is expiring? He will arrive at your place of employment, take the vehicle for any necessary work, and return it to your parking lot before you leave work. Engine light blinking or tire is low? I know a guy.

As if maintenance doesn’t give him enough Poppy Points, he often throws in a tank of gas or a car wash.

 

LONG TERM STORAGE

I assumed that all the things I saved as keepsakes and mementos would be treasured by adult children. And yet, I still have boxes in my garage full of crayon drawings, love letters, and programs from plays, concerts and awards ceremonies. Martin has long desired a cleansing of these items, and I assure him that day will come but, in the meantime, we are the keepers of the archives.

NOTE - I encouraged Ben to take home a couple of bins (meaning I loaded them in his car) and last week I saw them in his garage. That is progress.

 

ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT

My years in retirement have greatly increased my resume.

Homework help needed? I can create math worksheets, assist in speech preparations, read college textbooks or be the research assistant as you get your doctorate.

Forms to be completed?  I have learned how to complete and submit forms for passports, out of state car titles, or deeds to homes.

Appointments required? I can call doctors to negotiate needs and schedules. And I can use Google translate to schedule playdates with friends whose parents do not speak English.

 

OTHER DUTIES AS ASSIGNED

We host monthly birthday celebrations, participate in weekly ZOOM calls and serve as gap-fillers when we can.  We know a kiss no longer makes the hurt go away, but a pot of chicken and dumplings, an offer to babysit, a trip to the beach or a funny story can bring smiles.

And for those who might question our involvement in the lives of adult children, I present Mary, the mother of Jesus, who kick-started his ministry. She told her 30-something year old son the wine jugs were empty, then said to the household servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”