Let Me Do That For You

 

I am a Two. For those who have never read about the Enneagram and its nine personality types, a Two is someone who wants to help others. We are kind, approachable and always volunteering to work on a project or take on a task for someone else.

But there is a downside. Even though we do like to be helpful, givers often base their self-worth on the opinions of those they have helped. An Enneagram Two needs you to love him/her/me.

My first year as a staff person with Youth and Young Adult Ministries in the United Methodist Conference office, I was at a great advantage because in 1993 computers were not standard office equipment and I came to my new job with computer experience.  As I walked down the hall to retrieve letters and agendas from the shared printer, I would pass the office of our treasurer, and often Dr. Shook would call me in to ask me a question about a function on his new computer. When I didn’t have an answer readily available, I would ask for a minute to finish my current task, would run to my office and would look up the question in a manual. Then I would casually return to his office with a remedy ready to solve his problems. Thus began decades of being needed and then appreciated.

Many years later, I was Administrative Assistant in the Episcopal Office and was welcoming Bishop Scott Jones to our conference. I zealously began my attempt to become indispensable. In the first week, he was in a meeting and emailed me a request for coffee which I quickly delivered and even offered coffee to the others gathered in his office.

Later that day as he gave me his coffee cup he said, “I hate having to ask for coffee.” 

I was devastated. Somehow, I was going to have to find a way to determine when his cup was empty so he would never again have to ask for coffee. Why hasn’t anyone invented a buzzer attached to cups that indicate the need for a refill? Would a clear cup give me a visual on coffee levels? For the time being, I just decided to go in more often and check.

Several days later, he again handed me his cup and said, “I hate to ask for coffee.”

I had failed. I was unable to meet even this basic need and was obviously unloved and certainly dispensable.

Then he added, “So, please, just tell me where the kitchen is because I am perfectly capable of getting my own coffee and don’t want to keep interrupting your work.”

Sometimes, Enneagram Twos try too hard to seek approval and miss obvious signals. Bishop Jones and I worked together until my retirement and, while nobody is indispensable, I felt appreciated and respected. And that is enough.

But now, I have to finish preparing Valentine candy which I will deliver to all the staff at my local McDonalds in hopes that I will be their favorite customer.

 

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND